Fitness & Food

IMG_6272I was a fat kid and now I’m a fat adult.

I’ve gone a wild open-hearted journey with this body. It has changed and I have changed in way that will never be captured by a before and after photo or a number on the scale (seriously throw out your scales). I would never trade anything for this fat, strong, hairy, queer body of mine. It has danced in front of huge crowds and made it through many a heavy deadlift. I love my body and I want to help you love yours too.

When I was a little kid I loved to dance, sing and act. 3 times a day I would force everyone to listen to me sing the entire score from The Little Mermaid. I didn’t know I was fat then I just knew I was a mercreature from the deep.
When ballet was cruel, I tried my chubby little hand at musical theater. My first role was a snarky apple tree in the Wizard of Oz. I was the only third grader with a line! I was smitten. The stage was my arena. However, as I grew older it dawned on me that I never got any of the main parts. Fat actors could only be the hilarious sidekick not the beautiful leading lady. Off stage classmates would shout animal noises in my direction. The hallways filled with barks, moos and oink oink. The merciless teasing pushed me towards every crash diet I could find. I got smaller and was showered with compliments but I was sick. Very sick. My eating disorder fed on those compliments. I became a husk of a person. Depressed, I stopped performing publicly.
By some kind of hot pink cheetah print miracle I met queer femmes. Fat queer femmes who said things like riots not diets. They were babes! And that meant I was a babe too. I threw away all my pre-packaged cardboard meals and vowed to never diet again. Fast forward, many glittery performances and public protests later I was living in the Bay Area at a very sedentary desk job. In the intervening years the pendulum had swung far in the opposite direction. I was ignoring my body’s cues for a diversity of food, movement and sleep. My mind and body were completely separate. I feared that thinking about my health would send me down a slippery triggered slope to ED behavior town.
However, in my cranky guts I knew something needed to change but I had no idea how to focus on caring for my body without tearing down my self esteem. I decided to find a health coach and later a trainer. Weight Lifting and eating mindfully vegan brought me back to my body. It’s hard to rely on old copes like dissociation when you’re throwing heavy barbell over your head. I finally felt the way I did when I used to dance around and sing “Part of Your World” at the top of my lungs. Gleefully integrated: mind, body, spirit.
I became a personal trainer and health coach so I can support people towards emotional and physical homeostasis. My approach to fitness and nutrition is one of ultimate self care. Fat folks, queers, femmes, survivors and those in recovery for ED need to be centered in the health and wellness industry.
Let’s get pumped and empowered together.